That first holiday season after divorce can be a bit…let’s go with unpredictable. Between twinkling lights and dancing sugar plums, you might find yourself feeling unmoored, sad, elated, or anything in between. Everything may not feel like frosting and candy canes.
Whether the ink is still wet on your paperwork or you’re approaching your first divorce anniversary, the holiday season is a step into a new reality.
Here are a few tips to help you survive that first holiday season after your divorce.
There’s no wrong way to spend a holiday.
Listen. You can spend your holidays whatever way brings you joy. You can get drunk and play Cards Against Humanity or argue with ChatGPT. You can go for a hike, try new recipes, call people who always cheer you up. You can spend Christmas Eve with true crime documentaries, as long you’re not getting too inspired by the whole thing. Whatever will bring your joy and meaning is a fine plan.
You might not know how you’ll feel.
Feelings are experts at jump scares. You may feel grief press in on you from every side, and wake up feeling refreshed and all right the next day. Knots of tension could show up in your back and neck out of nowhere on the first night of Hanukkah. It’s understandable if you feel blue and it’s also more than okay if you have fun. If you were married with kids for years, you probably forgot what it was like to have free time.
You’re allowed to feel many different feelings at once.
Some days, you need every emoji at your fingertips.
🤣😱😍😭😎🤷🤬😳🤩🤡🥹🥰🧐🤨🥳🤩
It’s okay. You’re finally free. And, also, you ate a plate of garlic bread for lunch. Both are valid. It means you’re processing a lot.
You can choose who you spend your holidays with.
Dreading the thought of seeing extended family? There's no law that says you have to go. Ask AI to make up a new disease to get out of it. Or you always spent New Year’s with your ex’s family? Spend it with Netflix. Who always lifts your spirits? Even if it’s hard or impossible to be in the same space, schedule some video calls.
Ask your friends what they’re up to.
Even though many people see the holidays as a time for family, they’re probably going places with room for extras. Be honest and say you want to spend time with them. If you’re not used to asking for help, this will be tough at first. But it will make a huge difference. Even if you feel great, there’s no downside. And you may find yourself craving company when you don’t expect to.
Buy yourself something you never got.
Most marriages involve compromise. Your life centers more on you now. Get yourself a present. Something you wanted that didn’t quite fit your old life. A book a hobby you've always want to try. New cooking supplies for things your ex would never eat. Tickets to an event just because it looks fun to you. No asking, "Hey do you want to go to this?"
Even if you think your divorce was a good thing, that first holiday season can be rough. And if you're not feeling the joy of your "conscious uncoupling," definitely put some thought into how you plan to make things easier on yourself.
If someone you know is going through this, consider getting them a divorce greeting card that's funny, hopeful, or sentimental. You could even get one of each and write a note that says, "Open me on a hard day," or "Open me for a laugh." Uplift their spirits today.