One of the more startling things I heard after I ended my marriage was, “All divorces are the same.” Call me a romantic, but I think every divorce is a unique little snowflake. Everyone ends up in the divorce attorney’s office with a distinct cocktail of cause and effect. What all divorces do all have in common is that they’re difficult.
No matter who takes the step, how long they’ve been thinking about it, how freeing it feels, there have been tears. Or maybe your friend was blindsided and is numb with shock. There’s always a lot of heavy conversations and the strong possibility of certified organic non-GMO bullshit from family members. Divorce sends audacity to an all-time high.
If someone you love is going through all that, you can do more than offer sympathy. You can make them laugh.
It’s hard to feel miserable while you’re laughing.
Laughter has many benefits. Even the Mayo Clinic says so. Aside from the scientific explanations, just think back to the last time you couldn’t stop laughing. It has a way of shrinking problems down to their appropriate size.
When you think about how to support your friend or loved one, remember: the times when laughter is the furthest thing from his mind is when he needs it the most. When I was 13 and my father went into a coma, the mood was understandably serious. We weren’t even at home, almost 2,000 miles away.
At one point, my cousin Athena, aptly named for the goddess of wisdom, took my sister and I to see The Birdcage. For an incredible 90 minutes, I wasn’t wondering if we’d be planning a funeral. I was cackling, eyes popping from my head in delight as I watched Robin Williams coach Nathan Lane to smear mustard on toast to be “manly.” I can still hear his voice. “Men SMEAR.” The laughter of everyone around me worked some magic, too.
Humor can’t be forced, so foster the right environment.
Don’t push too hard. There’s nothing less funny than someone trying to be funny. Things have to actually be hilarious. Here are some ideas:
- Plan a game night and be generous with cocktails.
- Draw comics about your memories together. Don’t worry if you’re bad at drawing, that’s what makes this one work.
- Take him to a comedy club.
- Find a photo of something unappealing like trash or poop and text it with the caption, “I found your ex’s new Hinge profile.”
- Carve out time to watch TV together, nothing too heavy (no Handmaid’s Tale or Squid Games unless you’re profoundly talented in dark humor).
- Build a blanket fort and enjoy ice cream or other comfort foods in there. Watch a movie in there or listen to a true crime podcast.
- Come over with a few joints (if you’re in one of the cool states) and this balloon animal kit.
- Buy an actual voodoo doll. They sell them the most random places. I bought one at the Mark Twain Museum gift shop once, just to encourage them to keep selling them.
- Let her take the lead on making jokes about her divorce and her ex. She may be working through missed red flags or regrets and this choice. But if she cracks a joke, go with it.
- If he’s just not feeling it, that’s okay too. Just enjoy the time with your friend in their hour of need and know that sooner or later, they’ll be open to laughing and it will help.
Browse through the humorous divorce greeting card collection to find just the right message and tone.